DJ Discobod PLC

1. OUR BABY IS DUE 4TH MARCH - SCARY / EXCITING / WONDERFUL / THRILLING TIME IN MY LIFE
2. WEDNESDAYS ARE NOW GOING TO BE 'NO TV' DAYS - THERE IS NOTHING ON TONIGHT WORTH WATCHING
3. I NEED TO EXERCISE MORE - I KNOW THIS BUT IT IS HARD TO COMMENCE A NEW REGIME OF FITNESS
4. GREAT TO BE BACK IN BLOGLAND - WHERE HAVE ALL MY OLD FRIENDS GONE TOO?
5. MESSAGE TO EDUARDO - GET WELL SOON MATE
6. WHY DO I BUY EXPENSIVE GADGETS AND THEN NEVER TAKE THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE BECAUSE I FEAR I MAY LOSE OR BREAK THEM!!!!
7. HOW THE HELL DO PEOPLE WRITE 100 OF THESE THINGS?
8. I AM DUE A PAYRISE FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS BUT MY BOSS DOES NOT WANT TO LISTEN TO ME
9. SHOULD I HAVE MY RICE PUDDING HOT OR COLD STRAIGHT FROM THE CAN? HMMMMM
10. FINALLY MADE IT - WOW THAT WAS TOUGH GOING - I NEED TO MAKE SOME DEMO MIXES AND BURN THEM TO CD ASAP.....

I AM NOT A PRUDE
I AM A NORMAL GUY
I LIKE SEEING NAKED WOMEN ETC.........BUT

WHAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IS THE FACT OF EVERY STREET CORNER IN LONDON SEEMS TO HAVE A STRIP CLUB / BAR.
WITH THE ADVANCES OF COMPUTERS AND BROADBAND PORN AND SEX ARE EASIER THAN EVER TO ACCESS.
ALSO WITH MANY DISTURBING VIDEO CLIPS ON PEOPLES MOBILE PHONES I AM STARTING TO GET CONCERNED.

OK I ADMIT I HAVE BEEN TO STRIP CLUBS, I HAVE LAUGHED AT VIDEO CLIPS ON MOBILES.
I WOULD SAY THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN PRETTY NORMAL MALE BEHAVIOUR.

WHAT IS NOT NORMAL MALE BEHAVIOUR IS THE INCREASINGLY TWISTED WAY OF VIEWING THESE SICK IMAGES/VIDEOS.
MAGS USED TO BE TOP SHELF BUT YOU CAN BUY MAGS LIKE NUTS OR LOADED QUITE EASILY NOW....
STRIP CLUBS USED TO BE PUBS WITH BLACKED OUT WINDOWS, WITH SMELLY OLD MEN, NOW THEY ARE 'TRENDY' BARS.
VIDEO CLIPS ON MOBILES USED TO BE FUNNY - NOW I FEEL THEY ARE QUITE SICK AND SHOCKING!!

SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO SOCIETY? DID THE LAWS CHANGE? SHOULD WE MAKE NEW LAWS?

LATE NIGHT STRIP BARS ARE NOT THE KIND OF THING I WANT IN THE FUTURE FOR MY HOMETOWN, AT LEAST NOT ON EVERY STREET CORNER....

WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE IS THE 'SEX' INDUSTRY NEEDS TO BE TOOK DOWN A PEG OR TWO, BACK TO 'RESTRICTED' ACCESS ONLY.

I HAVE INVENTED A CURE FOR INSANITY (OR GENERAL DEPRESSION)

STEP 1

FIND SOMEONE FAIRLY CLOSE TO YOU (WORK COLLEAGUES ARE THE BEST FOR THIS TASK)
MAKE SMALL TALK AROUND THE WATER MACHINE OR SOMEWHERE REASONABLY PRIVATE
TELL THEM A FEW MINOR THINGS ABOUT YOUR LIFE (GOOD SUBJECTS ARE MONEY OR SEX)
IF YOU HAVE CHOSEN THE RIGHT PERSON STAND BACK AND RELISH THE NEXT MOMENTS IN YOUR NEW FRIENDSHIP
YOU WILL SUDDENLY REALIZE THAT NEARLY ALL YOUR PROBLEMS ARE TOTALLY MINISCULE

STEP 2 (JUST READ STEP 1 AGAIN - ITS ALL IN THERE REALLY - LOL)

THIS IS NOT A 100% SUCCESS RATE FOR EVERYONE BUT I THOUGHT I WAS QUITE A MAD PERSON ON THE WHOLE!

OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS I HAVE REALIZED THAT NEARLY 90% OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW ARE COMPLETELY OFF THEIR ROCKERS

ALL THE TIME I SPENT THINKING I WAS CRACKERS IT TURNS OUT MOST OF YOU ARE THE NUTBAGS

THANKS TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT KNOW ME - HOPE YOU ALL GET WELL SOON..........X

IN THESE MODERN TIMES WE ARE ALWAYS TOLD TO 'CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MEN' AND GO 'DIRECT'
EACH WEEK I WILL EXPLAIN WHICH MIDDLE MEN WE CAN DO WITHOUT IN THIS MODERN WORLD.....

1ST UP FOR EVICTION IN THE MIDDLE MAN WORLD IS

ESTATE AGENTS

WHEN WE BUY ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD WE ALWAYS HAVE A RISK IN DOING SO AND THIS ALSO MEANS MORE COST.
EUROPEAN SYSTEMS MAKE THE BUYER AND SELLER AGREE TO A FEE WHICH BECOMES A DEPOSIT.
IF ONE PARTY WITHDRAWS THEIR OFFER THEN THEY LOSE THEIR DEPOSIT FOR WASTING YOUR TIME.
THIS SOUNDS TOTALLY COOL TO ME AND WILL SAVE A LOT OF MESSING ABOUT.
SO WHILE YOU ARE AT IT GET SHOT OF ALL ESTATE AGENTS.

1.I LIKE YOUR HOUSE
2.I PUT A OFFER IN FOR YOUR HOUSE - PRIVATELY WITH MY SOLICITOR AND YOUR SOLICITOR (AFTER FULL SURVEY)
3.IF YOU LIKE IT WE AGREE TO BOTH PAY A DEPOSIT TO SOLICITORS - SAY AROUND 5 OR 10% OF COST OF HOUSE
4.YOU MOVE OUT - I MOVE IN

TELL ME HONESTLY WHAT PART OF THAT DO WE REALLY NEED AN ESTATE AGENT?